Revival of the IRC Quotes

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Re: Revival of the IRC Quotes

Postby EmperorJeramyu » Thu Mar 12, 2009 10:08 pm

Some random old one I dug up:

<Porter> lets play dungeons and dragons
<Strayed> NO.
<Porter> Strayed, you are in a forest surrounded by wolves, the vast grey atmosphere pours rain upon your armor as you prepare to do battle
<Porter> (go ahead)
<Strayed> I'll kill your whole family.
<Porter> (family isn't present)
<Strayed> (Your family)
* WarV (~kvirc@HW-ESR1-208-102-17-186.fuse.net) has joined #theway
<Porter> WarV enters the forest
<Porter> threatens you
* DracoNSlayer (~draconsla@124-170-253-182.dyn.iinet.net.au) has joined #TheWay
<DracoNSlayer> Hello.
<Porter> Draco rapes WarV
<Porter> He is dead
<Jeramyu> why aren't I in this?
<Strayed> STAY AWAY
<Strayed> and stop encouraging him.
<Porter> (you're a werewolf waiting to attack, but strayed has made no moves, so the wolves can't see him because of his shadowy figure is still)
<Porter> Strayed you have yelled too loud and have stirred the wolves
<Porter> they draw near to you
<Porter> you sweat profusley as you draw your battle axe
<DracoNSlayer> What's going on exactly?
<Porter> Jeramyu, the leader of the wolves speaks before you
<Strayed> I hate him.
<Jeramyu> "STOP ALL THE DOWNLOADIN! HELP COMPUTER!'
<Porter> Jeramyu uttered the secret mystic incantation of lightening spell
<Porter> The lightening bolt strikes you
<Porter> (roll for damage)
<Porter> (need higher than a 10 to block it)
<Jeramyu> He rolls a -5 and spontaneously combusts before the spell even activates.
<Porter> the lightening bolt then strikes bakazuki
<Porter> in fact
<Porter> it strikes bakazuki's xanga blog and destroys it send him into a rage
<Porter> (roll baka for power up bonus)
<Strayed> Jera, can you kick him?
<Porter> (you're dead, you may leave the table)
<WarV> (ya Strayed no one wants you)
<Porter> (WarV you've been killed too, no talking)
<WarV> (I had to put stayed in his place)
<Strayed> You're too stupid to put anyone in their place.
<Porter> Strayed, you love D and D
<Porter> and you are because i'm the game master
* Wellsy has joined #theway
<Porter> Wellsy enters the forest, a cleric, and raises Strayed back from the dead
<Porter> Wellsy and Strayed prepare to encounter the wolves
* Wellsy equips Unholy Liquor +2
<Wellsy> I got a 12!
<Porter> You kill Strayed again because he's a dumbass
<Porter> (strayed go rip up your character sheet)
<Wellsy> Aw, what the hell!
<Porter> Wellsy the world bows before your feet and you become king of the world
<Porter> congratulations
<Wellsy> oh cool lewt
<Wellsy> let's have another scenario
<Strayed> Do not encourage him.
<Porter> ok
<Porter> new campaign
<Wellsy> true true
<Wellsy> bust out the alcohol!
<Porter> This is called
<Porter> "The Mansion of Strayed, where weird buttsex between Strayed and his dog occur several times daily"
<Porter> Wellsy, you are a brave warrior from the Kingdom Chicktopia
<Porter> also puppy right's advocate
<Strayed> Jera, please.
<Porter> You are on a quest to stop Strayed from raping his dog
* Strayed blows up the mansion.
<Porter> You have a broadsword, a suit of light chainmail, and a wealth of potions at your disposal
<Wellsy> I guess you get all the XP, Strayed
* Wellsy quaffs a potion
<Wellsy> This is pretty good
<Porter> The overabundance of potion in your system makes you extremely hyper
<Porter> your HP level is now 100/80
<Porter> you can fly
<Porter> roll to see how high you go!
<Wellsy> THIS IS THIS IS THIS IS THIS IS FUCKING GOOOOOOD!
<Wellsy> I ROLLED I ROLLED A
<Wellsy> 2
<Porter> You merely lift off the ground, but it is enough to get over Strayed's moat of AIDS infected semen
<Wellsy> Jesus, man, that's nasty, you sure that's in the scenario?
<Porter> You land before the drawbridge, there are two guards
<Porter> They deny you access strictly because strayed said so
<Porter> (you can talk to them now)
* Strayed blows the fucking mansion up agaib.
<Strayed> again*
<Porter> The mansion is indestructable
<Wellsy> Hey guards, let me in, I'll give you each a potion, they're fucking AMAZING
<Strayed> Hey, I bought it. I'd know better than you.
<Porter> The guard replies, will it help us get out of this place? We're sore from Strayed's sodomizing ways
<Wellsy> Uh sure
* Wellsy quaffs another potion
<Porter> The guards open the secret door on the underside of the raised drawbridge and greet you cautiously
<Porter> The guard says, now over with the potions please
<Wellsy> Shit, man these are tasty! I think I'm getting a little buzz
<Wellsy> Oh yeah, here ya go, 2 potions
<Porter> roll to see your level of pleasureness
<Wellsy> which die?
<Porter> uhm
<Porter> the uhm
<Porter> 20 sided one
<Wellsy> oh ok
<Wellsy> i rolled an 18
<Porter> wow you are fucked up
<Porter> the guards drink their potions, but do not achieve the same level of flight as you
<Porter> and fall into the moat
<Wellsy> losers
<Porter> You proceed on your quest to neuter Strayed
* Wellsy quaffs a potion
<Wellsy> Shhhiiit, lez check this place out
<Porter> Roll the 4 sided dice to see which door you go in
<Wellsy> 2
<Porter> You go into the door in front of you
<Porter> You are standing in a long hallway to a lonely lit door
<Porter> there are pictures in a row in the long hallway
<Porter> the pictures are of strayed and his many doggy victims
* Wellsy quaffs a potion
<Wellsy> shit, man
<Wellsy> i'm going down the hallway
<Wellsy> i'm opening the lonely lit door
<Porter> You get to the old wooden door lit by candle light
<Porter> you hear a dog in pain
<Porter> the door is locked
<Wellsy> i knock on the door
* Wellsy quaffs a potion
<Wellsy> w00t
<Porter> Roll the dice to see if you can break in
<Porter> you need a one or higher
<Porter> because you're so fucked
<Wellsy> a one huh???
<Wellsy> ok here goes
<Wellsy> ...
<Wellsy> i dropped the die
<Wellsy> oh i guess that's the point of rolling it, never ind
<Wellsy> 1
<Porter> yes
<Wellsy> i was just knocking anyway
<Porter> you go head first into the door
<Wellsy> that's some knock
<Porter> you see strayed giving a reach around to a poor puppy
<Wellsy> man
<Porter> what will you do
<Wellsy> i know i know!
* Wellsy quaffs a potion
<Wellsy> did tht hlp?
<Porter> Roll to see how much you bend reality with your crazy fucked upness
<Wellsy> which die man?
<Porter> all of them
<Porter> combined
<Wellsy> okkk
<Wellsy> ...
<Wellsy> ..
<Wellsy> ..
<Wellsy> i rolled
<Wellsy> TITS
<Porter> HOLY SHIT
<Porter> YOU BEND REALITY AT THE EXACT POINT OF STRAYED'S PENIS
<Porter> IT BREAKS OFF
<Porter> HE CRIES AND KILLS HIMSELF
<Porter> YOU WIN!
"Unfortunately, the dragon only speaks in Napalm, a curious ancient language that you don't really need to speak to understand."
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EmperorJeramyu
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Re: Revival of the IRC Quotes

Postby War » Fri Apr 17, 2009 10:14 pm

A question for the ages.

[22:55:29] <@Jeramyu> eveeeeeeeek
[22:55:32] <@Jeramyu> jha
[22:55:39] <@Jeramyu> kkiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
[22:55:43] <@Jeramyu> epressssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss enter
[22:55:54] <@Jeramyu> you ffffffffoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllggggggggggggggggggggggggggggo t
[22:55:56] <@Jeramyu> ugh
[22:55:57] <@Jeramyu> ugh
[22:55:59] <@Jeramyu> ugh
[22:56:00] <@Jeramyu> uh
[22:56:05] <@Jeramyu> therw ego
[22:56:13] <@Jeramyu> shit sptjehwere the fuckj is enter
[22:56:16] <Strayed> How do you type so fast drunk?
<WarV> You know what this place needs?
<Strayed> hookers?
<@Jeramyu> boobs?
<WarV> How about hookers WITH boobs!
<Strayed> I don't like fat guys.
War
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Re: Revival of the IRC Quotes

Postby Strayed Wanderer » Mon Jan 18, 2010 11:51 pm

<@Jeramyu> It's hard to hate a mercenary with an eyepatch voiced by Steve Blum.
<@Jeramyu> My favorite song of the moment is incredibly depressing.
<Strayed> I just found a piece of a chocolate wrapper stuck to my balls.
<Strayed> I think I'm going to have to put on Stacy's Mom to counteract this...
<Fitz> ... The last three lines of conversation were the biggest non-sequiturs ever.
<@Jeramyu> haha.
<Fitz> Make that four...
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Re: Revival of the IRC Quotes

Postby Iorek » Thu Feb 25, 2010 8:53 am

haha, that place was always too funny. You guys are animals :mrgreen:
Iorek
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Posts: 85
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