Most boring story ever...

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Postby Sling » Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:42 am

Filling your ears with glue... that'd make a good song title.
In this day and age, an era where there are people who actually throw shit at each other, anything, could be possible.
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Postby Iorek » Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:04 pm

Shindy wrote:The names of kingdoms are too medieval to be fantasy, and I see a couple grammar mistakes that MS Word wouldn't fix. He could use a different explanation for neutrality of Xeressa; that is just lame. Replace general bad-feeling with constant struggle.

So where does this paragraph go in his story?


Perhaps "grave conflict," or "subtle tension" would fit better also?

Angel, you shouldn't tell your friend his writing is okay when it's not. Just find some good writing guidelines/material off the internet, print them off and give them to him to study.
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Postby Sling » Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:04 am

Or hell, let him read some actual books so he can a feel for the type of language etc. I've been reading Crime and Punishment and the language used reminds me heavily of Alanthreonus Phillipe Strataphachar's way of speaking. I found this really crap 'novel' I wrote when I was 10, based off of some comic strip my friend made. I've found thousands of ways of improving it already.
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Postby HolsteinCow » Mon Jul 09, 2007 8:43 pm

Angel_OA wrote:Maybe he's filling his ears with hot glue. That'd be a slow death alright.


It'd be slow and painful, but if you're being tortured by listening to shitty music it's an alternative worth considering.
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Postby Iorek » Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:02 pm

I prefer earplugs. ^_~
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Postby Angel_OA » Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:08 am

As much as I hate necro posting I thought I should say that my friend, 'the author' has given up writing that terrible book.
I told him pretty much everything you guys had said and he finally accepted that writing isn't his forte.
From what my barber told me, I now knew that nothing was real.
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Postby Sarcasm » Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:53 am

Perhaps he should try a less verbal form to tell a story in, suggest screenplays.
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Postby Dr. Casey » Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:16 pm

Angel_OA wrote:As much as I hate necro posting I thought I should say that my friend, 'the author' has given up writing that terrible book.
I told him pretty much everything you guys had said and he finally accepted that writing isn't his forte.


No.


Regardless of the quality of his work, this is not an acceptable outcome.
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Postby Elachim » Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:24 am

Telephalsion wrote:The Drenorian Kingdom was the Northern Kingdom of Ethilon, and was currently at war with the South-Western Kingdom of Ruthan, and the Plains of Meredain, where the battle had taken place, lay on the border. The Ruthan and Drenorian Kingdoms had a long history of war, and a general bad-feeling existed between its peoples. The other kingdom, the South-Eastern Kingdom of Xeressa was neutral in this war, trying to regain its strength after a civil uprising and their continuous plight with the beasts of the wild lands which surround many of their settlements.

The Kingdom of Drenor, the northernmost kingdom of Ethelion, was presently at war with Ruthan, which laid in south-west of Ethelion. The battle took place in the plains of Meredain, on the border between the warring nations. The strife dated back through history and the two peoples shared only dislike for eachother. While these two nations waged their war, Xeressa of the south-east strived...


Now I just have to try... :P

Drenor, northernmost of the kingdoms of Ethelion, was once again at arms against Ruthan in the south-west. A smoldering rivalry had sparked war many times in the past, fueled by mutual hatred and distsrust between their two peoples. The opposing armies had finally met in battle upon the plains of Meredain, a stretch of land that divided the warring nations.

But while Drenor and Ruthan spent their energy one against the other, Xeressa in the south-east held its neutrality. Its populace racked by a failed civil uprisal and its settlements harried by beasts of the wilderlands, the third kingdom of Ethelion struggled to regain their former strength of arms in the face of this new war...
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Postby Angel_OA » Thu Aug 16, 2007 3:17 pm

Dr. Casey wrote:Regardless of the quality of his work, this is not an acceptable outcome.

This wasn't about ridiculing someone for their hard work, it was about waking someone up who was too arrogant to accept that they aren't good at everything.
From what my barber told me, I now knew that nothing was real.
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Postby Shindy » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:47 pm

Even if u fail they'll eventually hit a wall and realize. If they are too stupid and kill themselves (with the ideas above would be jackpot), thats one less idiot on Earth.
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Postby Dr. Casey » Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:40 pm

Angel_OA wrote:it was about waking someone up who was too arrogant to accept that they aren't good at everything.


Which isn't synonymous with making him give up on something he enjoys doing. Even if he is bad, he needs to get back to work. As long as he can read back through his material and enjoy the stories and worlds he's created, he needn't quit.
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Postby Elachim » Fri Aug 17, 2007 12:47 am

But if he's being an ass about it... "I can write better than you or anyone else. What? That's bull! My writing isn't crap! You're crap! Asshole hater bitch!"

Please tell me that isn't what he's like Angel.
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Postby Greatchickenman » Fri Aug 17, 2007 6:35 am

Angel_OA wrote:The Drenorian Kingdom was the Northern Kingdom of Ethilon, and was currently at war with the South-Western Kingdom of Ruthan, and the Plains of Meredain, where the battle had taken place, lay on the border. The Ruthan and Drenorian Kingdoms had a long history of war, and a general bad-feeling existed between its peoples. The other kingdom, the South-Eastern Kingdom of Xeressa was neutral in this war, trying to regain its strength after a civil uprising and their continuous plight with the beasts of the wild lands which surround many of their settlements.


The Draeunusorian Aristocracy of vampires(half) furries was on the top part of the continent which had a name and its name was the singular form of the word ethilon which was ethilon which was the name of the continent they were living on which was also subsequently the world they were living in which had the same name as their continent, and was fighting the South-Western Quadrumvirate of Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona, and the Planes of Boeing, where they fought sometimes and drank tea on occasion, laid(hehe) on the border. of the two kingdoms. that were fighting each other. it's called a war. thats what they were having together. a war between two countries. "Tarthelian’s dark eyes slowly examined his foe, standing not more than six feet in front of him." The Quadrumvirate and Draeunusorian Vampire Aristocats were at war, see I told you what it meant up there, it means they fight a lot and WAR, what is it good for? A general bad-feeling existing. The other country was the Kingdom of Xeressa which is automatically the coolest kingdom of all because it has an X at the beginning, and all things that are cool have an X at the beginning like the X-Men and the X-Files before the last few seasons. Xeressa didn't fight in the war because they were too busy gassing all of their Kurds and raping Nanking. This was a result of their civil war which ultimately resulted in the freeing of the slaves which as a result filled the kingdom with poor people who often had to result to crime in order to survive the resulting environment that they were inside of. Also, they were constantly plighting against the beasts of the wild lands more commonly known as the Mongolians.

FIXED
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Re:

Postby Aegis » Mon Sep 01, 2008 12:13 pm

Greatchickenman wrote:
Angel_OA wrote:The Drenorian Kingdom was the Northern Kingdom of Ethilon, and was currently at war with the South-Western Kingdom of Ruthan, and the Plains of Meredain, where the battle had taken place, lay on the border. The Ruthan and Drenorian Kingdoms had a long history of war, and a general bad-feeling existed between its peoples. The other kingdom, the South-Eastern Kingdom of Xeressa was neutral in this war, trying to regain its strength after a civil uprising and their continuous plight with the beasts of the wild lands which surround many of their settlements.


The Draeunusorian Aristocracy of vampires(half) furries was on the top part of the continent which had a name and its name was the singular form of the word ethilon which was ethilon which was the name of the continent they were living on which was also subsequently the world they were living in which had the same name as their continent, and was fighting the South-Western Quadrumvirate of Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona, and the Planes of Boeing, where they fought sometimes and drank tea on occasion, laid(hehe) on the border. of the two kingdoms. that were fighting each other. it's called a war. thats what they were having together. a war between two countries. "Tarthelian’s dark eyes slowly examined his foe, standing not more than six feet in front of him." The Quadrumvirate and Draeunusorian Vampire Aristocats were at war, see I told you what it meant up there, it means they fight a lot and WAR, what is it good for? A general bad-feeling existing. The other country was the Kingdom of Xeressa which is automatically the coolest kingdom of all because it has an X at the beginning, and all things that are cool have an X at the beginning like the X-Men and the X-Files before the last few seasons. Xeressa didn't fight in the war because they were too busy gassing all of their Kurds and raping Nanking. This was a result of their civil war which ultimately resulted in the freeing of the slaves which as a result filled the kingdom with poor people who often had to result to crime in order to survive the resulting environment that they were inside of. Also, they were constantly plighting against the beasts of the wild lands more commonly known as the Mongolians.

FIXED


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