Moderators: Porter, EmperorJeramyu, Telephalsion
Shindy wrote:The names of kingdoms are too medieval to be fantasy, and I see a couple grammar mistakes that MS Word wouldn't fix. He could use a different explanation for neutrality of Xeressa; that is just lame. Replace general bad-feeling with constant struggle.
So where does this paragraph go in his story?
Angel_OA wrote:Maybe he's filling his ears with hot glue. That'd be a slow death alright.
Angel_OA wrote:As much as I hate necro posting I thought I should say that my friend, 'the author' has given up writing that terrible book.
I told him pretty much everything you guys had said and he finally accepted that writing isn't his forte.
sqpat17 wrote:Slade: Maybe the sword flew over and landed in his chest. "Oof! Stabbed by two shadow swords in one week!" Okay, maybe not.
Telephalsion wrote:The Drenorian Kingdom was the Northern Kingdom of Ethilon, and was currently at war with the South-Western Kingdom of Ruthan, and the Plains of Meredain, where the battle had taken place, lay on the border. The Ruthan and Drenorian Kingdoms had a long history of war, and a general bad-feeling existed between its peoples. The other kingdom, the South-Eastern Kingdom of Xeressa was neutral in this war, trying to regain its strength after a civil uprising and their continuous plight with the beasts of the wild lands which surround many of their settlements.
The Kingdom of Drenor, the northernmost kingdom of Ethelion, was presently at war with Ruthan, which laid in south-west of Ethelion. The battle took place in the plains of Meredain, on the border between the warring nations. The strife dated back through history and the two peoples shared only dislike for eachother. While these two nations waged their war, Xeressa of the south-east strived...
Dr. Casey wrote:Regardless of the quality of his work, this is not an acceptable outcome.
Angel_OA wrote:it was about waking someone up who was too arrogant to accept that they aren't good at everything.
sqpat17 wrote:Slade: Maybe the sword flew over and landed in his chest. "Oof! Stabbed by two shadow swords in one week!" Okay, maybe not.
Angel_OA wrote:The Drenorian Kingdom was the Northern Kingdom of Ethilon, and was currently at war with the South-Western Kingdom of Ruthan, and the Plains of Meredain, where the battle had taken place, lay on the border. The Ruthan and Drenorian Kingdoms had a long history of war, and a general bad-feeling existed between its peoples. The other kingdom, the South-Eastern Kingdom of Xeressa was neutral in this war, trying to regain its strength after a civil uprising and their continuous plight with the beasts of the wild lands which surround many of their settlements.
Greatchickenman wrote:Angel_OA wrote:The Drenorian Kingdom was the Northern Kingdom of Ethilon, and was currently at war with the South-Western Kingdom of Ruthan, and the Plains of Meredain, where the battle had taken place, lay on the border. The Ruthan and Drenorian Kingdoms had a long history of war, and a general bad-feeling existed between its peoples. The other kingdom, the South-Eastern Kingdom of Xeressa was neutral in this war, trying to regain its strength after a civil uprising and their continuous plight with the beasts of the wild lands which surround many of their settlements.
The Draeunusorian Aristocracy of vampires(half) furries was on the top part of the continent which had a name and its name was the singular form of the word ethilon which was ethilon which was the name of the continent they were living on which was also subsequently the world they were living in which had the same name as their continent, and was fighting the South-Western Quadrumvirate of Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona, and the Planes of Boeing, where they fought sometimes and drank tea on occasion, laid(hehe) on the border. of the two kingdoms. that were fighting each other. it's called a war. thats what they were having together. a war between two countries. "Tarthelian’s dark eyes slowly examined his foe, standing not more than six feet in front of him." The Quadrumvirate and Draeunusorian Vampire Aristocats were at war, see I told you what it meant up there, it means they fight a lot and WAR, what is it good for? A general bad-feeling existing. The other country was the Kingdom of Xeressa which is automatically the coolest kingdom of all because it has an X at the beginning, and all things that are cool have an X at the beginning like the X-Men and the X-Files before the last few seasons. Xeressa didn't fight in the war because they were too busy gassing all of their Kurds and raping Nanking. This was a result of their civil war which ultimately resulted in the freeing of the slaves which as a result filled the kingdom with poor people who often had to result to crime in order to survive the resulting environment that they were inside of. Also, they were constantly plighting against the beasts of the wild lands more commonly known as the Mongolians.
FIXED
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