I punched a three year old who jumped out at me at the mall. I was really scared and it was a reflex.
I see Strayed has already posted here.
I once crapped in a pool when I was around six. I cant believe I did such a ghetto thing.
Nothing says gangsta like feces and explosive diarrhea.
i have this urge to jerk off to coffee pots, i dont know why?
No man initially understands why he wants to jack off on to something weird. It's innate.
Whenever I set the dinner table I always lick my Mom and Grandmas Silverware because they made me set the table.
A good ol' saliva-borne disease'll teach them to give you any more menial and insignificant tasks.
I'm a guy that masturbates in my car while I'm driving. I hope nobody sees me and I don't get into an accident.
I see Strayed is in fact, a regular here.
I once grabbed my dogs nose and broke wind on it. I found it so funny and the dog seemed to think it was funny/exciting/an excuse to play* (delete where you think its brain was), that I decided to try my cat next. Next time I had a fart brewing I did the cat the same way... which fell off the arm of the chair and broke it's paw.
This may look like a weird one, but there are a LOT of ones about people farting on to stuff/cats.
I think Eskimos are smug.
I agree completely.
i fell in chocolate!!!
I'm totally jealous.
I shit on the floor in a public bathroom and blamed it on a small Chinese girl.
The solution to all life's problems, right here.
i farted in a can and sent it to a spanish guy
Oh, well, at least he was Spanish.
I was a virgin until yesterday. Today, I found a semen stain on my comforter. It was like a trophy.
Congrats. You're winner.
my ex boyfriend had a crooked penis
and he cried about everything
he was also manipulative and a freeloader
i dumped him
now i hear he isnt doing well at all
my life is wonderful though for i have a wonderful husband, a wonderful son, and another child on the way
Awesome, but you're ever the loser for having a kid.
if i was a Roman emperor high up on those porches and they let out my parents with a couple wild lions below for a match up in front of thousands of people in attendance, i would enjoy it!!!!
And then you'd get assassinated, yay!
I pretend I am Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars and that I am triaining my kitten to become a powerful Sith Lord when I am alone in my house.
I say things to it (in the Emperor voice), "Yesss....feel your hatred course through youuuu...embrace it...yeessss...."
By the way I am an 18 year old female LOL
...I want you.
i want to work in a rape crisis centre so i have lots of masturbation material stored in my head for when i get home.
That's sort of creepy, but I'd totally high-five you if you got the job.
I always ask my girlfriend for anal sex and she always says no. So once I asked if we could do it doggy style, and fucked her in the ass when she wasn't expecting it.
Say it with me: SUPRISE BUTTSECKS! Changing lanes without signaling! You choose your synonym.
In sixth grade a friend told me her dad had sex with her every night. She just cried and cried. I knew what to do. I did nothing.
At least you're decisive.
i had a threesome with my bestfriend and her boyfriend. i wish he wasnt there. i wonder if shes ever thought the same. i dont want to ask. she prolly just did it to turn him on...
And that boyfriend is Porter. I'm not kidding, either.
My baby is a communist
I could think of some witty communism joke to put here, but it would probably be lame, and I'm too lazy.
i stole a chef boyardee off the girl down the hall. it was the last one she had. it was so good. im going to do it again when she gets more.
And this my friends, is the only hint you need for surviving college.
I saw a documentary about strings theory and parrallel universes. I must say I tried and succeeded in passing to another dimension.
PUT IT ON YOUTUBE!
but god, testicular cancer is all i have left..you cant take that away too :'(
...?
last year i got riped off in a deal for mushrooms by a girl i knew. a few weeks later i cut the break lines on her car. i hope she crashed... but i sort of hope shes ok. at least not dead
I want to shoot you in the face, but I hope you'll at least survive with only minor disfiguration.
Over the summer I stored up semen in a tupperware container and when I had enough I used it to fill up a balloon and threw it at a girl I hated. My bad.
I take back what I said earlier. YOU'RE winner.
I took a crap in a toilet at Home Depot becuase I was mad at customer service.
You should probably only do that if you're mad at the janitors.
I pretend to be a fat 40 year old pedophile online, but actually I'm a 13 year old girl.
Finally, a girl smart enough to go on the counter offensive. And a potential lesbian. Somebody clone this girl, we've got the winning combo!
every day for the past ten years i have stolen 5 bucks from my mom. i have saved most of it and have almost enough to move out!
That's around $18,250. Probably the smartest person to ever post on that website.
I like to shoot my money shot on my girlfriends cat. I hate that thing. I wish I had aids so that the cat would would get aids and die.
Suicide bombing of the future right here.
i have a teddy bear and he is so sexy i love to punch him cuz he's so cute and he resembles satan... he is very much a sexy boy...
Um?
my teacher is a filthy pirate hooker
Thank god she's at least a pirate.
you are welcome. i found a pair of cowboy boots in my closet. as much as i hate western things, i am very tempted to wear them soon.
Thanks for the info...?
And one final one.
I kicked a kitten into a KISS Lunch box, then trapped him there for 3 days...then I farted in the lunch box and left him in there for like, 2 more days.
KISS rocks...
For real? I know if you kicked it into a Dragonforce lunch box (and if they make those, I want one), it would burst into flames and be impaled by swords. I'm just saying...
