heLP!!! for people here who is good at english

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heLP!!! for people here who is good at english

Postby Shindy » Mon Oct 17, 2005 4:43 pm

k. i have been getting horrible grades on LA theme recently. so i am going to post full theme here, and please post corrections i would need to make...

The theme assignment is the following: Imagine moving to another place very different from what you are used to. How well would you adapt? Would you still be you inside and out? What, specifically, would you do? How would you interact? Who would you seek out? How would you decide who your nwe friends wuold be? What traditions, habits would you keep? What traditions, habits would you possibly need to give up? If you have real-life experience, draw on those examples. If you don't imagine what you would do.

The Theme reader bases all themes on the Pennsylvania writing rubric... (http://www.facstaff.bucknell.edu/kastne ... wrtall.htm)

please look at the theme at these perspectives:
1. If the details are true.
2. Sharp, distinct controlling point made about a single topic with evident awareness of task.
3. Substantial, specific and/or illustrative content demonstrating strong development and sophisticated ideas.
4. Sophisticated arrangement of content with evident and/or subtle transitions.
5. Precise, illustrative use of a variety of words and sentence structures to create consistent writer’s voice and tone appropriate to audience.
6. Evident control of grammar, mechanics, spelling, usage and sentence formation.

heres the theme:
Traveling to a place like Germany

If I went to a very culturally different place, such as Germany, I would change dramatically. If I picked Germany as my next place to move to, adapting to Germany’s environment would be extremely hard and would take a long time.

The German language would be one major problem. Without proper communication, there would be infinite scenarios of troubles and conflicts. I would first seek a personal translator (e.g. labor, books, electric dictionary, etc). With personal translator, you can get help easily by using it to translate phrases or words.

For relationships, I would have friends that are kind and resourceful. I would try to be nice to my neighbors. I would also make friends that speak my language. I would look for friends that are cops, so if I get in trouble I would receive support.

I would also go to a town with many Koreans. There life would become easier. For example, getting jobs would be easier because the Koreans there can help me get jobs that they offer. Also going to School with as many Koreans as possible would be good idea. Korean friends can help me understand German by translating it to me.

I would have to give up or keep certain traditions and habits. I would have to give up Korean traditions because they are useless in Germany. I would barely find people carrying out Korean traditions in Germany, however, I would keep animals, TVs, computers, school, music, and many other possessions, because many Germans use them.

Language, relations, living place, and different traditions would make me very different inside and out. This is why moving to a culturally different place would be hard to adapt.


Please help!!!
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Postby Shindy » Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:20 pm

please revise, i only have 3 hours from now. giving small corrections would be greatly appreciated!
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Postby Non-Sequitur » Mon Oct 17, 2005 5:44 pm

I am really the wrong person to help you with this, but this was one thing that I noticed.
What traditions, habits would you possibly need to give up?

It would probably be better if you were a little more specific than just "Korean traditions". Could you give some examples?
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Postby Sage Of The Wise » Mon Oct 17, 2005 7:24 pm

Teachers hate the words nice and kind. Its to generic, you should change it to somthing more descriptive.

Also, why the Estrana board?
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Postby Shindy » Mon Oct 17, 2005 7:28 pm

cause i dont trust people in other forums. any more revisions guys?
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Postby Impossible » Tue Oct 18, 2005 12:04 am

Shindy wrote:cause i dont trust people in other forums. any more revisions guys?


Er, pretty much all the same people go to all the forums. There are only, like four and Bugs. I mean, uh, three and Bugs of course! Only three! >_> <_< This is off-topic, Jeramyu will move it.
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Postby Telephalsion » Tue Oct 18, 2005 7:26 am

Okay I'll be blunt: Do your own work, if you can't finish it by yourself you probably wont learn anything.
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Any type of female.
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Postby Shindy » Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:06 pm

uag, the teacher is so strict i even had to come here man. I already know, but it was due today so i already handed it in. The other forums helped me out a lil... 1 or two fixes per forum...
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Postby EmperorJeramyu » Tue Oct 18, 2005 1:10 pm

Mmmkay. Discussion over.
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